Tomorrow and tomorrow

After school tomorrow, with Ivy's teacher.

She is going to tell me Ivy can't concentrate and that she is disruptive.

That she does not recognize the letters of the alphabet or understand simple words.

She is going talk about how Ivy talks and her inability to make friends.

I know all of this because Ivy has told me week after week, day after day the very same thing.

She works extra hours with me trying to remember letters and sounds each day.

Asking me each day if she can go back to her day care and visit.

Some days she sits quietly in the back hugging her blankie which she leaves in the car each morning.

Other days she asks if Max and Jasmin can come visit today to play.

Some days she is on me like a tick to play simple games and dolls with her because she is "tired of playing by herself all day".

I brush her aside some days, too busy with work and chores.

Today it finally came home, just how alone I think she is feeling.

I sat her down and said to explain as best she could how mommy could help her learn better. To tell me what happens when she looks at the letters and where it goes wrong.

I told her I wouldn't get mad, I promise.

She said the letters swim inside her head and they don't always "look" the same.

She can hear what they sound like but can't remember the shape or the name of them. An S becomes a C (its the sound sssssseee) name and not "S"

I ask her when she looks at the books what happens.

She looked up at me and was crying " I play with Sarafina and we play doggies and tag"

I was confused for a second and then I understand. She wanders off in her head and plays with her old friends from her old school when she has any time to herself and she is supposed to be trying to print or sound out on her own.

"Why do you do that Ivy?"

"It's the only time I have some one to play with at school"

It took everything inside of me not to cry.

"What do you mean Baby?" she is still crying very quietly not hard, but I can see how sad she truly is.

"When I sit and remember Sarafina, I'm not so sad mommy"

"We play and she is my friend, and she doesn't call me stupid or ugly and she doesn't push me and tell me to go away"

" you do that during class"

"No one bugs me then"

"I ask to play, like you said And I remember what Aunty told me about being bossy and everything and play just their games no changing. And I try every day but I don't think they want to play with me. They have friends already"

"Don't you have any one you like to play with?"

She wiped her eyes "I have Sarafina and you"

"I mean at school, don't you have any one you like to play with?"

She was pretty confused by this question.

"Like who do you want to come to your birthday party?"

"Can we have it at my old school?"

I told her no, and this was not what she was hoping.

She didn't have any names she wanted to come, other than our friends children.

I gave her a big hug and cheered her up the best way I know how and read her her favorite story and tucked her in bed.

I know she is out going and I know she will walk up to every child she meets "Hi friend, I'm Ivy. Wanna play?"

How do I help her through this?