The universe will hand you only what you can handle.

I'm watching SYTYCD Canada, the piece about Alzheimer's.

I weep at the depth and the movement, remembering my mothers slow waltz towards the inevitable.

Realizing that I never had to watch her beautiful soul shrink in on itself, watch her grow scared and alone with her mind.

I was "spared" that agony.

I lost her 13 years ago this last summer.

Everyday without her, breaks my heart a new and fills me with strength knowing she loved me and believed in me no matter how fool hardy I was.

3 months after Ivy was born, I lost my Dad.

He was a great man, I miss everything about him.

He was the my last connection to my family.

This year has seen many of my friendship circle feel that pain of loss and I can not comfort them.

I do not have the words to help them through this, as I am still not whole myself some days.

The best I can do is stay away.

I fear I will say something off putting or severe that will upset them.

I love them too much to do this, but I feel miserable because I know I am of no help.

I do not have the skills to help anyone through loss, even my own.

I hold the ragged pieces of my loss together each day and focus a large part of my healing into being whole in the moment and focusing on my life and living.

Trying to honour both my mom and dad in word, act and deed.

Mia Michaels said something recently on her experiences with loss "I never take it as a victim. I stand strong as a warrior, always. Even when it puts me on the ground face first. I stand back up and I take that next step"

I'm back up, taking my next step.

thanks Mia.