I'll take that as a compliment

For the longest time, I have had the niggling feeling that I may have come to the end of my "raving" days.

I ask myself: Do I really want my free time to be here?

So in true fashion, I go about this season to be all or end all.

Dean and I set up our tent in no time without incident both festivals.

I bring my assortment of costumes and toys.

I over pack food as always.

I try to pace myself, for fear of partying myself out before the party ends.

I look: who I am with and what I am doing.

To say that some of this festival season was a disappointment, would be understating it. But there were some surprises.

I was disappointed with the musical selection, but surprised by the excellent company I was keeping.

I was well attired, but found I wanted to lay about with Dean more.

The weather was problematic, but the campfire was superb.

I found myself knowing that if I missed any of this next year, I wouldn't be upset.

I watched tribes of folks extoll the virtues of the biggest party, but found myself more drawn to the core chosen family who radiated love and extolled the value of their children and just simply enjoyed the moment of childlessness, not regretted returning home.

I heard of the tireless industry of being part of their tribe, realizing that I could never keep up with any of it.

I found myself, as always, a slave to the rythme and the beat

My main focus, as with my other friends, is our children and family: chosen and core.

A friend said her eyes became wide open to others and their behaviour this weekend towards their children and she contacted me to tell me that she held me in the highest regard because I put my daughter first.

What can you say to that? It was just such a nice thing to hear.

I know I am making the right decisions when it concerns my daughter and her future, I want her life to be shaped by guidance and support, not vying for my attention any way she can get it.

It may mean I see a lot less of a few people, but it also means I may start forging strong friendships with others and I joyfully look forward to it.

This summer also made me open my eyes to past friendships that I had neglected and really appreciate those I call "family" so much more.

I know I may never find myself on the playa, but I think I already found myself.