It never works well when it comes to my family.

My younger older sister calls me, depressed drunk and in emotional pain.

She has been this way my whole life and nothing I do or say has ever helped her.

She is out of it,slurring her words and talking about wanting to be at peace.

I try my best to keep it together to say anything that will help her, but there is nothing she listens to.

I answer her questions, hoping she has heard or retained anything I have just said.

Defended myself about "listening" to her and calming her, telling her I don't think she is a joke.

She talks about how lonely she is and how she misses our family ( mom and dad) and Ivy and I.

The sorrow can be felt like waves coming off of her.

My chest gets thick as I try to hold on to my happy place in my soul.

I repeat "Life does not have to be this way"

She doesn't listen or understand.

Keeps repeating all the negative things about how the "Nishikawa" name is cursed and shit on.

"Maybe we should all change our names, things could get better"

I like my name, I would never change it. She will not listen. I can not help.

I say my good byes and take a few deep breaths and get Ivys dinner ready.

thankful for my life, thankful for my parents, thankful for my chosen family each and everyone of you. thankful each day for the love I share in with my daughter and my Dean.

I repeat it like my mantra.

She will call again tomorrow.